By Kimberly McGowan
May 4th, 2020

Fear of Covid-19

WE, the world is witnessing another pandemic, this time, it shut down the world as we know it.  How do we handle not being able to go to work, and not send our children to school, or worse, not being there with loved ones during sickness and death?  The way we view the world is based on our perception.  The old saying goes, either we see the cup as half full or half empty.  The same applies with this virus, yes, it is deadly, yes, it has changed how we work, communicate and even how we enjoy our leisure time.  Excepting and following the new guidelines is a lot to handle.  

Being disciplined to self-quarantine and follow the rules is one thing; having compassion for our fellow man is another.   Some of us will be more affected by this virus than others, and because it may not hit you as hard it does not negate the fact people are dying and people are putting their lives at risk to save the ones that are most affected.   This pandemic can and has caused anxiety, panic, and stress, even for those with a strong faith base have felt one or all these emotions. 

Here is a positive perception.  During this time of self-quarantine this pandemic has taken us back to a simpler time in life, little to no traffic, reducing air pollution.  Gas prices have dropped under 2.00 a gallon in some places under 1.00 a gallon.  Families are spending quality time together, making dinners, making videos, watching movies, reconnecting, laughing and loving.  The busy rush schedules have been replaced with peace and relaxation.  People are making better choices regarding their hygiene and health.  Watching what they eat and making sure their hands are clean.  Sounds so simple, why weren’t we doing these simple things before?  The hero’s and people we are up to are those working in meat plants, grocery stores, and those in the medical field.  Money is not making the world a better place, it is not making us happy at this moment, it is our families. 

Learn to accept that life is what it is, and even if you don’t have the money you want or the life path you desire, there is nothing else to do except walk forward and embrace it.

Learn to build clear barriers around yourself that keep out negativity and tell others that they must respect your space. At least 6 ft distance.  Do not take on more than you can handle.

Learn to live a full and contented life. Do not just exist—stride forth and take in everything that you can. Your time is precious.

Learn to have true friends, not just a lot of friends. Surround yourself with love and support.

Learn to enjoy your life as it is, not what you think it should be.

Learn to forgive those who have wronged you—do not hold on to your anger and sorrow. That only clouds your mind and brings you down.

Learn to love your body. Don’t pollute it, and don’t degrade it. Your body is a machine that works wonders. Appreciate it.

Learn to create buffer zones that will support you when you need them most—keep money in your savings account and maintain your health.

Learn to enjoy your job, even if it is not your true passion. Do not exhaust yourself for a paycheck. Nobody looks back on their life and wishes they worked more.

Learn to put yourself first.

Learn to keep your surrounding environment clean and orderly so that your mind is clear and orderly.

Learn to let go of the things and people who hurt you. They are gone now.

Learn to question and request things of people.

Learn the ability to rid yourself of those you tolerate.

Learn to speak the truth, to rid yourself of want, and to expect nothing in return. Go for what you want. Make it happen.

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By Kimberly McGowan
April 3rd, 2020

Are You in a Codependent or Emotional Dependent Relationship? 

When two people have a very close relationship, it’s natural and mentally healthy to depend on each other for certain things. However, if one of you loses sight of who you are, in order to please only the other person, the relationship can become very unhealthy. It’s normal to want approval of the person you are in a relationship with, but when one person starts to depend on that relationship for survival; it is now unhealthy!  

Definition of Codependency

“Codependency” is defined as an unhealthy relationship where partners are overly reliant on one another. As a result, a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem-solving develops between the two. 

Definition of Emotional Dependency

“Emotional dependency” is defined as ONE person feeling as though they need the other person to survive, to be happy, to feel whole.  As a result, the person becomes dysfunctional, unstable and will sometimes confuse this as love.  The easiest way to self check is to ask yourself if you feel the need to control a relationship or a person, if so; emotional dependency might be an issue for you.

Warnings of Emotional Dependency

• Idoling people, putting them on pedestals? If you are worshipping someone and thinking they can do no wrong, that is an issue.

• Jealous or Possessive? If the person can’t engage with other people without feelings insecurity surfacing there’s a issue

• Fear of losing him/her?  The thought of not having this person in your life causes you to become terrified or panicked

Questions to Ponder

Answer these questions to examine whether you might be involved in a codependent relationship:

1. Are you afraid to express genuine feelings to your partner? If you notice you often hold in your feelings for fear of how your partner will react, that’s a sign the relationship is not as healthy as it could be.
2. If you do express feelings honestly, do you then feel guilty? Perhaps you think “I shouldn’t have said anything… it just made matters worse” after you’re open with your partner.
3. Is much of your day taken up with trying to do everything for your partner? If you’re completing numerous tasks for your loved one that could easily be done by them, you might be caught up in a dysfunctional, codependent relationship. These chores are done at the detriment of your own life.
4. Are you leery of asking for help from your partner? If you can’t seek assistance from your partner, it’s very frustrating. In a healthy relationship, partners freely and regularly ask for a hand.
5. When you do ask for help, how does your partner react? Hopefully, your partner is open and willing to help you out whenever you ask. However, if you’re codependent, you might not feel comfortable with asking or with your partner’s response.
6. Do you find yourself feeling hurt or angry because your partner doesn’t notice your needs? Although you try to take care of everything, you’re disappointed that your partner does not spontaneously see what’s going on with you. You wait and wait for your partner to recognize your needs but they rarely do.
     
7. Do you believe you can’t have a friendship independent of your relationship? Because you’re busy doing chores and errands for your partner and he’s rarely satisfied with how you do them, you don’t have time to maintain a friendship.
8. Do you have hobbies and activities to enjoy separate from your partner? To maintain a healthy individual identity, it’s important to cultivate your own hobbies and interests, apart from the relationship. If you don’t, it could be a sign of codependency.
9. Do you try to control things to make yourself feel better? Because you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t want to upset your partner. Therefore, you take steps to control situations however you can.
10. Would you describe your partner as needy, emotionally distant, or unreliable? These qualities often draw in partners who are seen as “caretakers.” Thus, the codependency begins.
11. Do you have a perfectionist streak and try to get things exactly right? After all, if you get things perfect, then maybe your partner will be happier, more satisfied, and less angry, disappointed, or annoyed with you. If you feel this way, your relationship is likely codependent.
12. Do you trust your partner? If so, maybe your relationship is not codependent. If you wonder what your partner’s doing or suspect they’re not telling you the truth about something, there could be codependency in your relationship. On the other hand, there may be just some trust issues you might want to resolve.
13. How is your health as it relates to stress? Often, people involved in codependent relationships experience health issues that might be related to stress like asthma, allergies, out-of-control eating, chest pain, and skin disorders. Of course, if you experience any of these symptoms, it’s wise to see your doctor.

The good news is that if you believe you’re in a codependent relationship, you can begin altering your behavior right away to gain back a healthy sense of individuality.

Use these questions to guide you in correcting your behaviors and emotional expressions in your loving relationship. If you feel you need help, seek out a professional trained in helping those with codependency. You’ll feel better and your relationship will be stronger when you can relate to each other in more positive ways.

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