One of the joy’s women look forward to and hope to experience is that of motherhood. Initially, when you find out that you are pregnant you go through a range of emotions from shocked to excitement. But once the reality of human being formed and developed in your womb sets in, planning begins, thoughts of how this blessing will impact the world resides in your mind and you cannot wait to meet him or her. Close friends and family who you know will share in your excitement is informed of the addition to the family and each day you enjoy the journey or process to motherhood whether it is your first or sixth time.
On January 11, just days after my birthday in the afternoon, my husband and I were headed to my ultrasound screening to find out the sex of our baby. We were so elated because we knew we had done everything right up until this time. I waited in the waiting area for my turn and my name to be called. Finally, it was time to hear the heartbeat of our baby and find out if God was blessing us with a prince or princess. As, I laid on the bed and as the technician scanned my stomach up and down, I knew something was not right. There was no heartbeat and then, the technician asked, “have you experienced any type of bleeding?” I responded no and then I was referred to my OBGYN doctor. As I was going down the elevator, tears began to stream down my eyes and as I entered my vehicle, I said to my husband, we have lost our baby. As a mother, I felt hopeless and lost. My doctor contacted me immediately and stated that he needed to meet with my husband and I. Once in the doctor’s office, he said “unfortunately you are eighteen (18) weeks pregnant, but it shows that you are fourteen (14) weeks. This is the point the baby stopped growing and his heart stopped at fourteen (14) weeks”. As broken as I was, I did not question God. I continued to weep and shortly thereafter, my doctor called the labor and delivery department because I had to be induced to give birth. At that moment, I felt broken and wondered how I was going to get through this traumatic event. Once we arrived at the hospital, the nurses prepared me for delivery, but I thanked God my husband was there with me every step of the way even in our brokenness. The tears were like a faucet that could not turn off and as I began to blame myself, I heard a still small voice whispered in my ear “my daughter I shall restore you and in this I’m going to show you that I am with you”. The doctors said I would deliver the next day and in less than twenty-four (24) hours I gave birth to my son’s lifeless body. Shortly after, I was rushed for a DNC surgery. As I went through this entire process in the hospital, God kept strengthening me. I remember sitting on the bed and I heard Him say, “Woman Arise! Your birthing pains of what you have lost was not a lost. But it was a place where I needed you to be to birth you into your destiny. Now that you have overcome, get ready for double restoration of your lost!” The only thing I could do was weep and I told God that I would not question Him because He does all things well. As I reflect, I could have been dead, but He kept me from all forms of infection. Yes, our son is in Heaven, but I count it all joy because it was all for His glory. Despite my pain, tears, loss, and feeling the spirit of depression desiring to pull me in a dark hole, I would always hear God say, “greater is He that is in me than that is in the world”. This allows me to bring forth my worship as it is my weapon to use against the enemy.
To every woman that has miscarried, you do not have to suffer in silence. Whether you have miscarried at one (1) week or full term, know that your experience does not make you less of a woman or barren. Do not allow the enemy to play tricks with your mind or mind games. The bible admonishes to resist the devil during these times, and he shall flee. I admonish you to take all the necessary time that you need and grieve if you must, but do not stay there. Yes, the pain will be great, and it will be an experience you will never forget, but praise God right in the middle of your situation because it is there where He will meet you.
The lost was not designed to kill you but to build what God has placed on the inside of you. The bible tells us the weapons will form but they will not prosper. This means that any attack the devil directs towards you cannot kill what God have divinely anointed to live because your purpose cannot die. The process and pain were designed to launch you into your greatest season of restoration. As you traverse through your process your name and status will change from victim to an overcomer. It is time to arise and shine because your morning has come! Know that your pain has now overturned into the place of victory. I admonish you all to not allow the outcome of what you have lost to be the downfall of your purpose. Arise and push for your hour of breakthrough has come!
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Last modified: January 20, 2021
